I know you’re asking your “how could she have come up with a more cynical title?” “Why am I even reading this?” You’re reading this because someone somewhere in your life has done something wrong to you at some point. And this wrong is the kind that they should ask for forgiveness for, but you know they won’t. Whether they don’t think it’s wrong, or don’t recognize the ick inside of them that drives them to wrong others, they won’t ever ask you for forgiveness. So where does that leave you? Holding the bag full of bowling balls that you’ve been carrying around. You’re weighted down. These bowling balls are heavy and they won’t let you walk far. You can’t bare the weight of them anymore. So what do you do?
Let them go.
That’s right… drop them now and walk away.
“It’s not easy without an apology”, you say. “If they could just recognize their wrongdoing you’d let it all go.” Forgiveness without an apology frees you from holding those bowling balls. It lets you put that bag down and walk away with all of your emotional energy.
Now, if forgiveness was this easy we would all snap our fingers and do it. But it’s not. It’s a mental and emotional process that makes us reflect. And sometimes we don’t like that.
We reflect on who we are, what we deserve, and why that’s more important than seeking words from another person for that validation. Their apologetic words don’t create forgiveness. The willpower inside of you to forgive and let go creates forgiveness. The ability to see beyond someone else’s faults and shortcomings and focus on what’s best for you and what you deserve creates forgiveness.
When you let forgiveness in you can walk. You can run. You will drop that heavy bag of bowling balls that you’ve been holding and soar.
Sometimes writing down a bulleted list of these thoughts helps you to conceptualize the forgiveness that needs to take place. Write down the incident, person, or situation that you’re holding on to and some short thoughts about why you’re holding it. Sit in this emotional space with your pen and paper for a moment and think about what comes up. Whether it’s a feeling, place, etc., allow yourself to experience it. Just sit and be mindful of it for a moment. Then get your paper, ball it up, and throw it away. It’s time to let it go.
So I ask you, what’s holding you back from soaring towards your goals and desires? What’s holding you back from achieving your greatness? Someone that has wronged you? A situation that didn’t go right? A tragic moment that won’t let you move forward? Forgive. Create your own forgiveness so that you can soar.