Studies in the past have shown the success to happy and lasting marriage is putting your spouse first. As crazy as it may sound, it is the truth that many are scared to hear. Everyone wants a happy marriage, but not everyone wants to put the work to get there.
Life changes when you start having children. From the long sleepless nights to days full of joy, but your marriage should only get stronger as the both of you have created a beautiful blessing. Here’s 2 tips how you can have a successful marriage.
Prior to becoming parents as a couple you should build a foundation that can never be broken. The best gift you can give your children is raising them through a strong and healthy marriage. That starts off by setting boundaries. Boundaries are one of the most important things in marriage. From the start of your relationship you must create boundaries that should never be crossed. Always treat each other with respect. Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. You should always talk to each other with love and find healthy ways to communicate.
Simply put your spouse first
Always put your spouse first, this doesn’t mean you have to choose between your child's well being and your marriage. Instead, it means taking the time to intentionally and actively invest in your relationship with your spouse, knowing that when you and your spouse are connected, you are better parents.Also keep in mind you started this journey with each other alone, and once your kids turn 18 and leave off to college, your spouse will be the only one left. Your kids are only with you for a couple decades until they decide to start their own family, you chose your spouse to be with them forever. You must give your marriage the attention and effort it deserves. Don’t ever forget why you chose them to be your partner in life, and don’t ever stop dating your spouse.
The moment we have a child, our world changes and our entire focus is on them. We slowly but surely start putting our marriage aside, because who has time or energy to even think about going on a date right? We’re sleep deprived, tired and every moment we get to ourselves we utilize it to clean, cook, do laundry, etc. Both parents must make the time to continue to spend time together alone. Even if it means waiting until the baby falls asleep to have a movie night in the living room with your spouse on a Friday night. Always make sure some time is being spent alone. Children grow up to be the reflection of their home, wouldn’t you want your children to marry someone who's always going to put them first?
Walking up to the stores you most likely hear the bells jingling, maybe even a deep voiced “ho ho ho”. That’s right, it’s that time of year again. To be completely honest, this is one of the times of year that I enjoy motherhood the most. Tree decorating is much more fun with little twinkling eyes to admire your hard work on those lights. Christmas plays are in full effect, and who can forget the ever-growing Christmas list?
As exciting as it can be, the daily hustle and bustle can drive the holiday season out quicker than you can say “Happy New Year”. I’m making it a point to be more present and emotionally accounted for this holiday seasons. Here’s how:
Hey SuperMom, no one can do everything. Make a list of your priorities for the season and be intentional about completing them. Cut yourself some slack if you’re not able to get to everything. Try to choose things that you’ll enjoy with your family and things that will make lasting memories.
2. Put the planner down.
Over-scheduling is something that I’m guilty of. It’s okay to decline invitations and shorten time spent at events if you need to. Your exhausted children will thank you for it.
3. Just say “No”!
You don’t have to bake everyone’s favorite dessert for Christmas Eve. It’s okay to say no to additional responsibilities, especially with the already added holiday stressors.
4. Be Mindful.
Being mindful means being present in the current moment you’re in and actively involved. Push the long to-do lists to the back of your mind and focus on what feels important to you this holiday season?
5. Set aside free time for yourself.
I know your Mom guilt probably came right to the top when you read that, but it’s true. Finding time for you is key to feeling more refreshed, less stressed, and burnt out. Make time for you, even if it’s a walk around the block or curling up on the couch to watch your favorite holiday movie.
Yes Mom, you’ve got an important job during the holiday season, but you can have fun doing it. Happy Holidays!
Like any other field, buzz words come and go through the world of psychotherapy and psychology. One word that has been trending lately is “attachment”. And not just attachment, but “reactive attachment”. Like the announcement of the ADHD era, parents and caregivers may be concerned and wondering what reactive attachment disorder is and does it effect me or my child?
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) refers to individuals that have aversions to touch and physical affection, control issues, anger problems, difficulty showing genuine care and affection, and failure to show guilt or remorse. Specifically in children, detached or unresponsive behavior is common. Children and toddlers also are less likely to reach to be picked up, reject efforts to be calmed or soothed, and attempt to avoid eye contact.
There are two types of RAD: inhibited and disinhibited. Inhibited type refers more to indiviudals that experience detached or unresponsive symptoms, while disinhibited individuals typically have difficulty selecting the appropriate people or caregivers to attach to.
Now I know what it is, but what can I do about it?
There are many ways to assist adults and children with working through Reactive Attachment Disorder in order to have more healthy and fulfilling relationships. For childen, unconditonal love is key to helping them learn to re attach in a healthy way. Setting positive limits and boundaries, maintaining predictable schedules and routines, and talking and playing with them regularly also can be helpful. For adults, changing faulty thinking patterns that have led to disengaging from others can be helpful. Working on gaining a positive sense of self-esteem and self acceptance may help as well. Professional help is available for children and adults that are struggling with or are concerned about RAD.
For your reading pleasure
A great book for promoting and repairing attachment with children is I Love You Rituals by Becky A. Bailey, PhD. It gives different activities for parents and children that encourage bonding and showing unconditional love.
Want help with Reactive Attachment? Click here!
August is the time where summer is winding down and parents are preparing their kids for back to school. During this time period many adults become overwhelmed and begin to lose sleep because they are up at night thinking about their to do list. This can also be a stressful time for children. Children may develop anxiety about making new friends and having a larger homework load. Here are some tips that parents can do to make the transition of going back to school easier for themselves and their children.
Begin a routine similar to the school routine. Most children stay up later and have different eating habits over the summer. A parent can help the child prepare for school by starting a more “school like” routine about two weeks before school starts. This requires an adjusted bedtime and ensuring healthy eating habits.
Start discussing what will change when school starts. This prepares children for the upcoming school year.
Relax and breathe deep! The transition to back to school can take some time but it won’t last forever.
Brace yourself and emphasize the positives of going back to school again!
From that positive test to the moment you’re holding that sweet baby in your arms you know that your life is going to change. Do you know how much it will change? Whether you’re eagerly expecting or reminiscing on the birth experiences that you had, this time is full of ups and downs.
Pregnant and postpartum moms are 20% more likely to experience difficulty maintaining mood stability. Now I’m not just talking about having a crabby day. I’m talking about the life altering, relationship fracturing, need to apologize frequently mood swings. These come and go through what’s called the “perinatal period”. Pregnant women and postpartum moms have varying amounts of hormones in their body that differ from those in other women. These hormones are great for fun stuff like bonding with your baby and making it through sleepless nights, but they also make you more likely to cry excessively and feel quick to anger among other frustrating emotions.
Okay, so now that we know this time is going to be a rollercoaster what can we do about it? There are so many resources available to women and their partners during this time! Locally, there are agencies that provide postpartum support. Talk therapy is also a great way to get the mental health support you need right now. Along with groups to connect to other moms, individual therapy can help you talk through your fears, worries, or just wrap your mind around all of these life changes. Which support tool seems like one that might work for you? Pick one and give it a try!