Studies in the past have shown the success to happy and lasting marriage is putting your spouse first. As crazy as it may sound, it is the truth that many are scared to hear. Everyone wants a happy marriage, but not everyone wants to put the work to get there.
Life changes when you start having children. From the long sleepless nights to days full of joy, but your marriage should only get stronger as the both of you have created a beautiful blessing. Here’s 2 tips how you can have a successful marriage.
Prior to becoming parents as a couple you should build a foundation that can never be broken. The best gift you can give your children is raising them through a strong and healthy marriage. That starts off by setting boundaries. Boundaries are one of the most important things in marriage. From the start of your relationship you must create boundaries that should never be crossed. Always treat each other with respect. Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. You should always talk to each other with love and find healthy ways to communicate.
Simply put your spouse first
Always put your spouse first, this doesn’t mean you have to choose between your child's well being and your marriage. Instead, it means taking the time to intentionally and actively invest in your relationship with your spouse, knowing that when you and your spouse are connected, you are better parents.Also keep in mind you started this journey with each other alone, and once your kids turn 18 and leave off to college, your spouse will be the only one left. Your kids are only with you for a couple decades until they decide to start their own family, you chose your spouse to be with them forever. You must give your marriage the attention and effort it deserves. Don’t ever forget why you chose them to be your partner in life, and don’t ever stop dating your spouse.
The moment we have a child, our world changes and our entire focus is on them. We slowly but surely start putting our marriage aside, because who has time or energy to even think about going on a date right? We’re sleep deprived, tired and every moment we get to ourselves we utilize it to clean, cook, do laundry, etc. Both parents must make the time to continue to spend time together alone. Even if it means waiting until the baby falls asleep to have a movie night in the living room with your spouse on a Friday night. Always make sure some time is being spent alone. Children grow up to be the reflection of their home, wouldn’t you want your children to marry someone who's always going to put them first?
Some days are harder than others. As a Mom to a 3 year old and 1 year old I absolutely get it. Between changing diapers, feeding children, and playing hide and seek the time can feel like a blur. It’s not uncommon for Moms to feel overworked and underpaid at times.
What if I told you that you didn’t have to wait until naptime to get a calm minute? What if I said that you could find some mental peace before your partner comes home? That’s right, you can. It only takes a few minutes out of your day. You ready to hear this big secret?
That’s right, just mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the practice of being present within the moment. It allows you to focus on the here and now in order to blow off some frustration or refocus yourself and your energy. The best part about mindfulness is that with a little practice it can be done at any time.
Mindfulness exercises can be with words or no speaking at all. It involves focusing on your breath and being aware of tension or conflict within your body and mind. Sounds easy enough, right?
One mindfulness exercise that works great for busy Moms (and busy people in general) is taking a SNAP break. Stop, Notice, Accept, and Pay attention to your breath. This is a great exercise for bringing awareness to your current state and calming down. Stop and take a mental (and physical if possible) pause from what you’re doing. Notice your body. Is there tension in your shoulders? Hands? Jaw? Do a quick body scan and identify where your body is tense. Accept this tension for now. Give yourself grace to experience the feelings you’re having. Pay attention to your breathing. If your mind travels off to the current stressors at hand, gently redirect your attention back to your breath. You can repeat this as many times as necessary.
Difficult times will come and go. Breathe, Mom, you’ve got this!
Christina Runnels is a mental health therapist and Mom of 2. She has a passion for working with Moms as they transition through pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood, and beyond. She also has experience working with birth trauma, infertility, and other maternal mental health issues. She enjoys watching her clients grow to reach their full potential.