Studies in the past have shown the success to happy and lasting marriage is putting your spouse first. As crazy as it may sound, it is the truth that many are scared to hear. Everyone wants a happy marriage, but not everyone wants to put the work to get there.
Life changes when you start having children. From the long sleepless nights to days full of joy, but your marriage should only get stronger as the both of you have created a beautiful blessing. Here’s 2 tips how you can have a successful marriage.
Prior to becoming parents as a couple you should build a foundation that can never be broken. The best gift you can give your children is raising them through a strong and healthy marriage. That starts off by setting boundaries. Boundaries are one of the most important things in marriage. From the start of your relationship you must create boundaries that should never be crossed. Always treat each other with respect. Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. You should always talk to each other with love and find healthy ways to communicate.
Simply put your spouse first
Always put your spouse first, this doesn’t mean you have to choose between your child's well being and your marriage. Instead, it means taking the time to intentionally and actively invest in your relationship with your spouse, knowing that when you and your spouse are connected, you are better parents.Also keep in mind you started this journey with each other alone, and once your kids turn 18 and leave off to college, your spouse will be the only one left. Your kids are only with you for a couple decades until they decide to start their own family, you chose your spouse to be with them forever. You must give your marriage the attention and effort it deserves. Don’t ever forget why you chose them to be your partner in life, and don’t ever stop dating your spouse.
The moment we have a child, our world changes and our entire focus is on them. We slowly but surely start putting our marriage aside, because who has time or energy to even think about going on a date right? We’re sleep deprived, tired and every moment we get to ourselves we utilize it to clean, cook, do laundry, etc. Both parents must make the time to continue to spend time together alone. Even if it means waiting until the baby falls asleep to have a movie night in the living room with your spouse on a Friday night. Always make sure some time is being spent alone. Children grow up to be the reflection of their home, wouldn’t you want your children to marry someone who's always going to put them first?
To say that relationships are like cars is so cliché, but they kind of are. Think back to when you bought your first car. Was it your favorite color? Did it look just like you wanted? Over time the car gets dirty, needs maintenance, and we fix it. We tend to our vehicles to keep them running smoothly and to last us as long as they can. But what about our relationships? Our relationships constantly need tending to in order to continue to run smoothly and bring the same happiness they did when we first started them. Here are 4 quick ways to give your relationship that much needed tune-up!
1. Start with “Hello.”
How did you initially greet your partner in the early stages of your relationship? Did you get up from what you were doing and greet them at the door? Did you seek them out to ask how their day was? Was there a physical display of affection? Think about how you currently greet your partner. In most relationships greetings change over time as couples become more comfortable. Taking the little initiative to greet your partner in the way that you used to can help to rekindle some of those old flames. Give it a try!
2. Focus on you.
I know, that seems wrong, but you should keep your focus on you in certain situations. When we have a disagreement, we are inclined to think about what the other person did wrong. We often begin the blame game and point out the other persons’ short comings versus thinking about ways that we could have improved the situation. Focus your energy on yourself when in a disagreement. Think about what you could have done differently to bring a better outcome to the situation. During the next disagreement focus on improving your response.
This seems simple, but it can be quite a difficult task. I often ask couples “who wins if neither of you is willing to give?” The answer is usually “no one”. Try to compromise in situations big and small with your partner. Think about ways that both of you can feel like winners. Compromising puts you back on the same accord.
4. Be in the present.
It is natural to use your past experiences as a point of reference for future decisions. In relationships, this often leads to one or both partners focusing on the past and having difficulty letting go to move into the future. Focus on the present. Think about what your partner is saying and doing and evaluate it within that moment. Try not to bring anything from your past to your present.
If you’ve tried to make changes and are having difficulty consider professional couples counseling. Like most vehicles, with a good oil change, tune up, and maintenance check you can get your relationship back on the right road.