As a mother of 3 kids, I have so many concerns for this 2020-2021 school year. Do I send my kids school for onsite learning or do I join the virtual learning movement? Just like most parents in America this school year will bring so many difficult decisions to make. Virtual learning is at the top of the discussion right now, as it should be. It challenges the traditional methods of teaching and provides a safer academic option during the pandemic. Arguably it is also challenging for parents who are not tech savvy as well as it is bringing new obstacles for lower income families.
Ultimately, we must remind ourselves that we are doing the best for our kids. As parents we sit and think about how difficult making the right decision is. We take into consideration not only their academic success, but the societal expectations we face as parents. We selfishly get wrapped up in how hard it is for us to make these decisions for our kids we forget to take a moment and think, “what about our kids?”. They have concerns just like we do, they are after all in school 10 months out of the year. We want their feelings and concerns to be acknowledged and validated. Sometimes sitting down as a family and really laying out all the pros and cons for the family to discuss can bring a new perspective to the decision-making process. It is important that we don’t lose ourselves in the chaos of this pandemic, that we remain united as a family to weather the storm. Whichever decision you may choose, it will be the right one because only you and your child know what you both can handle.
Through it all, we must take a minute to breathe. Schools districts, medical professionals and government officials are doing what they can to make sure that every student and teacher will remain safe. They are allowing the parents to decide if they want their child to return to school, have virtual learning or hybrid learning. Companies are also stepping up by offering help to families that may need a computer, internet and meals for kids while they are at home during the pandemic. Although at moments we feel the isolation from quarantine and social distancing, we have so many resources and help from our community and people in our very same situation.
We are surrounded by resources. You can contact your school district to see what help is available to families during this pandemic. If you’re not sure how to do at home virtual learning or how to set up your home to feel more like a learning environment, you can always watch YouTube videos on “How to do Virtual Learning” or search Facebook for veteran homeschooling moms tips and advice on how to make at home learning run smoothly. Pinterest is also a great source of information from so many moms who have used this platform as a starting point on how to set up learning spaces in their homes. Who knows, maybe you could start your own YouTube channel or Live Facebook feed to help other parents that are now in the same boat you once were. We are surrounded by resources we just need to do our homework and figure out what works best for your family.
It takes a village to raise a child so reach out to your family, friends, coworkers, or your kids friends’ parents to see if they may have any tips or advice. With everyone helping and sharing tips/advice we can ensure we are providing our kids with the best learning solution for this school year.
The world today is a world that will be changed forever and COVID-19 will most likely be a part of our history that we will teach about for years to come.
We now live in a world today where a single cough, or a sneeze or the mere thought of being in a room with someone who appears to be unwell brings about a great deal of anxiety and fear. Bulk buying has become a standard norm now and being in public outside the home amongst people can be frightening too.
With such uncertain times that we are facing, its truly an important time to slow down or stop what we are doing and reflect. We are all as a nation being asked by mother nature to stop and halt and reflect on life for a moment in our hectic busy lives. Families are now today having to spend extended periods of time with each other as places of employment and schools have closed rapidly. New routines have had to be adopted as all children across the nation have transitioned to online schooling, which can have its fair share of challenges as parents are also still working from home too. Everything has changed so rapidly over the span of the last month. The current situation has really made the world wake up to a new reality and an understanding of how little control we really have of the situation and circumstances that we are in.
However, there are some things that we can control. We can control our thoughts and our reactions to the new reality that we are currently facing. Remember to breathe and put things into a calm perspective. It is important to remember that judging by past historical events, negative situations such as this never remain and the situation always resolves and improves. It’s important to also remember to look for the silver lining in every situation too.
We now have time to get back to basics and engage in activities such as playing board games and having meaningful conversations with family members without the time crunch of having to rush to be somewhere or just simply sharing a family meal together.
Here are some options for activities that can help maintain some degree of peace and normality during these difficult times:
- Going for walks locally
- Watching a movie together
- Listening to music as a family
Spending quality and meaningful time with kids and teens as well as having conversations regarding the current news is much needed too. Remaining optimistic and hopeful with your family members is so vital. Mother Earth is (as described by many today) “resetting things” so that soon enough calm and normality will resume as we once knew it.
Please do take a moment to breathe and remain calm, knowing that all will be well again soon enough.
We are now in a new decade! It’s almost like we ended one chapter in our life and began another in 2020.
Many of us find that at some point approaching the end of a year and when beginning a new one, we do reflect back and reminisce on all the great things that we have achieved and the failures that we endured. Knowing and understanding that the failures that we encountered in life are simply life’s lessons that we go through and that we can always take positive steps to make the situation better. Reflecting back on the last decade can also be a good thing too as it can also encourage us to think about the future and what life goals we would like to achieve. The beginning of a new decade is also a great time to actually assess where we are in life and where we would like to be a decade from now.
So how do you go about creating these new goals?
Well first things first. It’s important to actually visually see your goals written in an easy format and visible to you often. So maybe on a refrigerator or maybe on a notice board at home in your office. But somewhere you can see them now and again.
So grab a pen and paper and start thinking about your life.
Then start listing categories which are important to you in your life. Such as family, kids, career, vacations, your home, finances, education etc
Then next to each important category, write down in a single sentence what you would like to achieve with each of the important things in your life in the next year. Again its important to make these goals achievable and doable.
Then after considering each important goal you wish to achieve in the next year, consider what goals you would like to achieve with each of the categories in the next 3 years and five years even!
Once you have done that, consider next how and what measures you are going to take to bring about these new goals that you have created for yourself.
Just remember that creating new reachable goals is the key to succeeding in future goals that you create for yourself. Small achievable goals are best.
Setting your sights on very ambitious goals which are sometimes hard to achieve can result in people giving up and not sticking to them.
So remember, the key is to reflect on key points that are important to you, and to think how are you going to make those points better in your life better.
It’s wonderful way to reflect on one’s life and to create a positive outlook for yourself.
Talking to a therapist can also help you maintain and keep on track with your goals for the year too!
Here’s to sending you the very best wishes and success in your life goals for the year!
Managing Triggers that the holiday may bring.
Holidays are a time when family members often make an effort to set aside time for the family. Spending extended time together that involves family traditions, gift giving and other holiday festivities can be a wonderful time to connect and catch up with each other. But for some, getting together with family can create stress and anxiety. There are many reasons why people do not look forward to holidays. Some examples are certain family members just not being able to connect well with each other, or past unresolved conflicts that haven’t been laid to rest, or even negative memories or experiences in a childhood home can all potentially create stressful situations during a time that should be enjoyed. Some parents of young children in a family can also be made to feel very uncomfortable especially when there is a need to discipline children because different members of the family may judge or have differing opinions as to how to better or effectively parent a child.
There are fortunately some things that you can do to possibly minimize the anxiety and stress during the festivities.
Have smaller get togethers
As opposed to having large numbers of relatives gather together in one home on a set day, maybe take turns visiting with smaller groups of family members in their home for the holidays. This may actually be more intimate and reduce the chances of conflict with certain family who don’t get on.
Have smaller gatherings in your own home
By having family or friends over at your home, you can actually decide who to invite over at any time, thus avoiding unnecessary conflict. This way, you are more in control of who you are interacting with at any given time which can allow for a much more enjoyable time.
Know that there may be some conflict
Having a sense of acceptance that there may always be some degree of conflict during the holidays with some family may be a wise thing. Just knowing that some people will always be awkward no matter what you say or do. Take it with a grain of salt if possible and appreciate them for the good qualities that they have.
Plan a fun or creative thing to do when together with family
Even though typical family events usually involve having a festive meal and conversation together, maybe start a new trend amongst your family and friends by doing something completely different! For example, dinner and a movie at the movie theatre or going to see a live show or performance together. Or you can do something charitable by volunteering at a local church or event as a family together. This could quite possibly take the pressure off conflicting family members and allow everyone to focus their attention on something new and different other than being unkind to one another.
No matter how you handle the unavoidable holiday family get togethers always aim to stay calm, take time out for yourself if needed, and know that there are some personalities that cannot change but you love and care for them anyway.
Happy holidays! 😊
Welcome to the blog page of Greater Houston Counseling Services and a special 3 part blog mini series on Women’s Health.
Women through their lives can unequivocally go through so many changes through the years. Relationships, marriages, pregnancy, motherhood, juggling motherhood and work life are just a few of the challenges that women face daily. Some women are able to breeze through these challenges with ease but for the most part, it can be a stressful balancing act.
This 3 part mini series will be looking at the following topics pertaining specifically to women.
Work life Balance in women
There are many women today in successful careers who are working hard and climbing up their chosen career path ladder. They are usually financially successful and work long hours to prove their dedication and expertise in the companies they work for or the businesses they run. But when trying to find a harmonious balance between a working woman and a husband and children entail, it can be very stressful and challenging. Being able to give 100% to your family and your career can prove to be difficult and sometimes we may feel like we are being pulled in too many directions and that expectations put upon us drain us mentally, emotionally and physically. This could end up putting a huge strain on our marriages, family life and our careers.
The key to balancing your home life and work life is to organize, prioritize and delegate where possible and allow one to one time in the day or week for loved ones.
Some key pointers that you can implement to create harmony and balance in life are as follows:
Summers finally here! The stresses and strains of daily school are finally over and kids now have time to relax and enjoy summer. This lengthy period of time out of school is a great way for parents and kids to take that long awaited vacation. Or for kids to enroll in some exceptionally cool and unique summer camps which has become
an increasingly popular thing over the years.
Some kids however see the summer as a time to indulge in the maximum amount
of screen time as soon as school is out to the time they go back for the new school year. It can for some parents pose as a real challenge creating a happy medium between unplugging and plugging the gaming consoles, smartphones and tablets these days.
Here are a few tips that you could implement to create some healthy habits for your kids:
Creating healthy technology limits for kids early in their lives is so important. By doing so parents can prevent future issues for kids such as gaming and screen time addictions.
Studies in the past have shown the success to happy and lasting marriage is putting your spouse first. As crazy as it may sound, it is the truth that many are scared to hear. Everyone wants a happy marriage, but not everyone wants to put the work to get there.
Life changes when you start having children. From the long sleepless nights to days full of joy, but your marriage should only get stronger as the both of you have created a beautiful blessing. Here’s 2 tips how you can have a successful marriage.
Prior to becoming parents as a couple you should build a foundation that can never be broken. The best gift you can give your children is raising them through a strong and healthy marriage. That starts off by setting boundaries. Boundaries are one of the most important things in marriage. From the start of your relationship you must create boundaries that should never be crossed. Always treat each other with respect. Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. You should always talk to each other with love and find healthy ways to communicate.
Simply put your spouse first
Always put your spouse first, this doesn’t mean you have to choose between your child's well being and your marriage. Instead, it means taking the time to intentionally and actively invest in your relationship with your spouse, knowing that when you and your spouse are connected, you are better parents.Also keep in mind you started this journey with each other alone, and once your kids turn 18 and leave off to college, your spouse will be the only one left. Your kids are only with you for a couple decades until they decide to start their own family, you chose your spouse to be with them forever. You must give your marriage the attention and effort it deserves. Don’t ever forget why you chose them to be your partner in life, and don’t ever stop dating your spouse.
The moment we have a child, our world changes and our entire focus is on them. We slowly but surely start putting our marriage aside, because who has time or energy to even think about going on a date right? We’re sleep deprived, tired and every moment we get to ourselves we utilize it to clean, cook, do laundry, etc. Both parents must make the time to continue to spend time together alone. Even if it means waiting until the baby falls asleep to have a movie night in the living room with your spouse on a Friday night. Always make sure some time is being spent alone. Children grow up to be the reflection of their home, wouldn’t you want your children to marry someone who's always going to put them first?
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is in the air (and on the brain and in the heart). But it’s not just a good time to show that special someone how much he or she means, it’s also an important time to invest in self-love. Whether it’s actually learning to accept one’s self or remembering to put one’s self first in the care department, self-love maximizes one’s capacity to love those around him or her and has a dramatic effect on all of an individual’s relationships.
What ‘Does It Mean to Love Yourself?
The common idea of self-love is actually closely related to self-esteem and the idea that an individual who has positive beliefs toward him or herself and values self as a person is more capable of successful, healthy relationships. While self-esteem is a part of loving one’s self, there is more to it than that. In fact, recent research has found that a different form of self-love, known as self-compassion, is actually more indicative of one’s state of being and capacity toward both romantic and non-romantic relationships.
This form of self-love is largely associated with viewing one’s self with appreciation and acceptance – regardless of any perceived flaws. Self-compassion is also based on recognizing one’s self and not focusing too heavily on negative feelings or emotions. Individuals with strong self-compassion are able to recognize that many others have been in a similar station as they are and tend to develop feelings of happiness, optimism, and life satisfaction even while they may be in a difficult season.
How Does Self-Love Affect Relationships?
The intrinsic quality of self-love is that of being able to recognize one’s connections to other people, so it undoubtedly has positive benefits for any relationship. Not only are individuals with a higher capacity for self-love typically in more successful relationships, a recent study found that these individuals are also:
• More caring
• More supportive
• Less aggressive
• Less controlling
Not only that, but individuals who possess higher levels of self-compassion are better able to resolve conflict, experience more authenticity in their relationships, and enjoy greater levels of relational well-being. So the evidence supports the widely held belief that an individual must learn to love him or herself to love others, but it goes beyond just having high self-esteem.
How Do You Learn to Love Yourself?
Individuals who want to improve their relational capacity should invest in learning this trait of self-compassion, which goes beyond just feeling good about one’s self. And while it’s no easy task, it can be done. For starters, an individual can learn to recognize and appreciate the person he or she is. Seeing one’s self – flaws and all – and accepting that person without judgment is liberating. Beyond this, an individual should attempt to focus on his or her positive qualities and really learn to use the skills and talents he or she has. Doing each of these with some regularity serves as the initial step toward self-compassion and paves the way for further development.
Learning to love one’s self unconditionally is no simple feat and requires specific, intentional work. But with the right mindset and help along the way, anyone can learn to practice self-love and benefit both individually and relationally from doing so – for Valentine’s Day and the rest of the year, too.
Many people mistakenly think that recovery from a domestically violent situation is as simple as leaving the abuser. Unfortunately that is far from the reality that individuals recovering from abuse face. In fact, by the time the individual is able to find physical freedom from the abusive party, he or she is likely in a gridlock of mental and emotional abuse. However, recovery is also possible in this capacity if an individual is able to find the right support system and develop effective coping skills to navigate healing.
What to Expect During Recovery
Recovery in any form is challenging, but it is especially complicated when abuse is involved. Individuals often need to relearn basic interpersonal and relational skills, such as trust and connection, which they’ve lost as a result of the abuse they have endured. Understanding that recovery will take time goes a long way toward helping the individual recover, as does knowing what to expect during recovery. Most individuals benefit from:
• Learning to expect new feelings during the recovery process.
• Understanding the challenges that may complicate recovery.
• Developing coping techniques to facilitate lasting recovery.
Recovering from Domestic Abuse
Recovering from a domestically violent situation requires a multifaceted approach. To begin the process, one must understand that anxiety and fear are to be expected. Many victims of abuse:
• Still hear the voice of their abuser in their head even after leaving.
• Experience extreme anxiety when doing something the abuser condemned.
• Have feelings of sadness and or even a desire to return after leaving the abuser.
• Feel fear and melancholy associated with a place of significance to the relationship.
• Want to maintain a connection to friends or family members of the abuser.
These feelings point to the emotional attachment of the relationship and are normal and to be expected. An individual experiencing these feelings may consider returning to the abusive situation to make the current feelings of fear and pain subside. To be able to remain strong and committed to recovery, the individual needs:
• Refuge that is safe and separate from the abuser.
• Support from a trusted friend or family member.
• Legal support to provide protection and counsel.
• Self-confidence to remain strong and move on.
For many individuals finding each of these components can be difficult. Seeking the counsel of a trusted therapist is often an effective first step toward recovery. A mental health professional can help the abused individual find the resources that he or she needs to begin the recovery process safely and facilitate ongoing therapy to support the individual’s mental and emotional needs. Most individuals recovering from domestic violence process the emotional trauma of the situation in a cyclical fashion that involves several stages:
• Safety and Stabilization
• Remembrance and Mourning
• Reconnection and Integration
• Safety and Stabilization
Working through these stages and processing the emotions associated with each is no easy task. Likewise, there is no timeframe associated with recovery – each individual must allow him or herself the time he or she needs to recover. A confidential healthcare professional can help facilitate the process and help the individual set appropriate expectations of recovery. So while the recovery process looks different for different people, the first step for everyone reaching out and getting help.
It’s that time of year again! The new year is here and comes with many new opportunities. We’re notorious for creating new year’s resolutions for ourselves as individuals, but what about for our relationships? Check out these 5 new year’s resolutions for you and your partner.
1) Put your phone down and plug back into your relationship.
In an era of technology, we all are constantly plugged into our phones. It’s easy to find ourselves checking social media or texting during conversations or down time. Instead of picking up your phone use that time to reconnect with your partner. This is a great opportunity to have a conversation while looking directly at them and maybe even sneak a handle hold in.
2) Have one new adventure each month.
Oftentimes our relationships become bogged down with responsibility and mundane daily tasks. While “adulting” isn’t fun, it’s necessary. It’s also necessary to regularly have new and fun adventures together. Not only does this break up the monotony in your relationship, it also allows you to create fun and exciting memories together. Remember, the couples that play together stay together!
3) Find a new hobby… together.
If you already have an individual new year’s resolutions list, I’m willing to bet there’s a resolution that pertains to a hobby. Hobbies are important to us as individuals as well as couples. Finding a hobby with your partner is an opportunity to share something in common. Consider joining a bowling team, invest in a new gaming system or start exercising together. The more positive things you have in common with your partner the easier it is to find happiness and excitement in your relationship.
4) Set goals together and make a 10-year plan.
Goal setting is always on the top of the New Year’s To-Do list. Have you set any goals for your relationship? Sit down with your partner and agree upon a few measurable and attainable goals to reach in 2019. Take the long-term goals and make them into a 10-year plan. Not only does this create a road map for your relationship, but it also keeps you thinking about the future and makes you more likely to work towards it.
5) Let the past go.
This is one of the hardest things for most couples to do. The bad things we’ve experienced often linger in our minds and can overshadow all of the good things that are happening now. This doesn’t only happen to us as individuals, but also as couples in our relationship. Don’t allow your relationship to be clouded with the gloom of the past. Focus on what’s happening currently and celebrate those things. Take the hard things as they come and don’t let the past influence how you deal with the now.
Implement some of these resolutions and start off 2019 right for yourself as an individual as well as a couple. Happy New Year!